Friday, June 26, 2009

Sunday, June 21, 2009

...a man I was honoured to call my father.

My father had seven grandchildren that were able to cuddle on his chest and know his love in the flesh. His eighth will have to rely on all of us to help her know him in a different way. This is what I wish he was doing this father's day with her.
Dad and granchild number 2, Sydney.

...another blessing.

I thought I had been blessed two weeks ago when my house was filled with women I love, showering me with adoration and love. This weekend my blessings multiplied...

Thursday, June 18, 2009

... a baby ready to enter.

The house blessed, the energy of many open hearts, the water broken and now finally labour has begun. Soon we will know this little person. This souls that feels like it has been clawing it's way out for a couple of months now.... I am warrior ready.

Saturday, June 13, 2009

...a home birth home.

Last June, on our first night in our new home my mom called me at 2am to hasten me to her side and ultimately to be with her as we lost my father. For a long time my house has felt like a sad place. In order to really believe that this horrible thing had happened I replayed that night in my head over and over again. I can still feel the leap in my heart at the ringing phone and the feeling of looking out my window as she told me what had happened. Over the past 12 months I have begun to feel the warmth of a home seep into this place and I am now starting to feel settled here. We have worked hard to achieve this and we have a long way to go to put our stamp on it. But last Saturday night my life in this home changed forever...

I knew that part of planning a homebirth would have to involve the preparation of my home. I don't mean clean floors and inflating a birth pool. I needed an infusion of the kind of energy that can sustain a mother through the darkness, mystery, pain and intensity of labour. The kind of energy that will provide peace for me as I unfold as a mother of two and work through the process of integrating a new soul into our family. At my mother blessing I received that in spades. Everyone crossed the threshold into my home with an open mind and heart. I was in awe of the edges that everyone went to in this powerful sharing and what came out of it was so rich and juicy. So much of that evening surprised and delighted me and even left me breathless. The ceremony began after I had been adorned by my "hand-maiden" with a wreath of flowers for my head, a double strand of lapis blue beads, gold bracelets and a blue woolen robe (or reasonable facsimiles). I then waited in my chambers for the signal to start my descent. As I came down the stairs all of these women I love were standing with arms reached above their heads forming an arch. As I passed through each pair of women in turn they whispered their truth about their relation to me. "I am the one who..." The power of those whispers to me as I walked under the arches of their arms left me in a puddle of warmth, love and bliss. I never noticed before how much a whisper can resonate through your whole body. I wanted to stand still after each whisper and let the words ripple through me to my toes. Sublime! The ceremony that followed was so rich with the bearing of souls and the softening of all the women in the room. It was sacred. There is almost no other words to describe it. This space where we sat in a circle to weep, laugh and share our love is now a sacred spot in my home. It is now the spot where my birth pool sits inflated and waiting to receive our babe. The ceremony was followed with a feast of epic proportion. Not only do my family and friends have the deepest of hearts but their culinary skill is beyond expectations. YUM! The house was filled with the most delicious smells and the table was bursting with the rich display of food. As we feasted I was treated to a footbath and the most divine foot and leg massage. My belly was hennaed and we even had a slide show of my recent "belly" photo shoot. All this time everyone in attendance wrote or drew in a "blessings" book that my sister made for me. I am so grateful to have that to read and re-read while I recall the power of my blessing. The evening went on for hours and I was thrilled that everyone stayed so long to let the richness of our ceremony sink into their bones. My house is now thoroughly prepared to receive this feisty little soul.

The next afternoon we held a similar ceremony for Meg. We also adorned her with a wreath of flowers, a blue robe and a lapis blue necklace. She walked under the arched arms of Nanny, Auntie Lee, Auntie Kathy, Cindy, David and myself. I hope she will remember the words whispered to her. She nervously sat in the circle as we lit candles and shared our feelings about sisterhood. We read to her and showered her with love and gifts. And she shared with us a "sister birth bundle" that she had gathered as part of her journey to sisterhood. With the exception of Meg and Dave all of us are sisters and have sisters but the words that her daddy whispered to her were some of the most powerful things shared that day. We made her a beautiful sister warrior necklace and then we ended the circle by tying bracelets around our wrists for her. We celebrated with a footbath and massage and did henna on her belly too! She sat like royalty as we massaged her feet and ate heart shaped pieces of strawberries. She only wishes that it could have lasted longer!

This weekend forever changed my perception of the limits of a relationship. Or more accurately the dreams we have about how we need to limit our relationships. Why can't we give and receive in this way more often? I know that I will now. And I have plans to start a regular "Red Tent" gathering at the change of every season in order to celebrate ourselves and our relationships. It is time for celebration to mean more...

I just can't express deeply enough how changed I feel and how profoundly moved I was by the 5 days that I gave to myself last week to receive the gifts of my friends and family. I have left the alter and decorations from the blessing in my birth space to remind me of the love and energy of those dear to me as I struggle through those gates on my way to the underworld. My home feels, looks and smells different to me now. Mission accomplished!

...a fashionista.

Last night I was getting ready to go out to a concert with some friends and I had only assembled the top of my outfit. Meg came into our room and told me now all I needed was some skinny jeans.
Me - "But Meg I don't have skinny jeans that will fit me while I'm pregnant"
Meg - "Too bad because that would create such a nice silhouette"
Me - (aghast that my 5 year old knows what a silhouette is) "Really? Well I will have to settle for my yoga pants"
Meg - "That will work ok. Now let's go and create a nice silhouette for me" (marches out of my room to dig in her closet)

When did this happen? I am so proud!

Thursday, June 11, 2009


Wow last weekend was some weekend. I don;t think I have ever been so blissed out! Well that might not be true but I was pretty damn blissed out!
It started with a trip to the airport to greet Cindy with this...

Wow that is some round belly, huh?

I thought I would have time to write about my weekend but I think I need to go to sleep. I wanted to write about it tonight in case I don't get the chance to. I feel that the baby is near... But becasue of this I also need to rest. To gather my resources for the long road ahead. So I will hope that I have another day or so in order to properly reflect on these last few days. In the meantime I will leave you with some photos. I have nothing of my motherblessing yet because my dearest Jamie took those photos. But these are fun.

Meg had a sister blessing on Sunday...

At the end of the ceremonial circle she was painted as a sister warrior.

Then she had a footbath and massage.

Followed by a henna and some heart shaped strawberry slices.
The next evening we did my belly cast.

And we cast Meg's belly button!
All in all it was a pretty exciting weekend for all of us. My home will never be the same and I do intend to write all about that.... But for now I thought these pictures would suffice.

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

...a blessing.

One more sleep. Meg reminded me this morning that there was only one more sleep until Cindy arrives. I don't think I can express what it means to me... to us. For me to be nurtured by my handmaiden and for her to feel so honored to do so. I know that we will laugh a lot, cry as much and bask in the joy of my everyday life.

And then on Saturday she and my family have called to gather all of the women in my life that I hold dear. I see them flooding my home with the energy that I will need to sustain me until the day I will meet my baby, through my labour and into my new self as I am born a mother of two. They will also build a solid yet yielding dike for my psyche. The framework I will need to feel safe and secure to flow, gush and maybe even flood a little as I give over to my wild nature, my divine feminine.

I am giddy with the excitement of this weekend of being nurtured and surrounded by the love of people so important to me. People that will witness this journey and care for me as I unfold after this baby's birth. Each of them so special to me in the gifts they bring to my life. Sublime.

Monday, June 1, 2009 genius of a husband.

Lately Dave and I have been struggling to find time to spend together. He is in the throws of the final weeks of his work for the year, he has been sick and I have been hitting the sack at the same time as Meg every night. We barely have time to discuss the very basics of our daily lives. Last Thursday evening I regrettably had to miss Yoga to go to our one and only prenatal class. It was just a little "preparing for your homebirth" session with our midwife. But I left that class feeling like we had been away for a weekend retreat! The 15 minute ride home in the car was bliss and I can't tell you why. It just was.

Last night we lay in bed together and talked about this whole"baby" thing. We are having a baby... Holy crap. I have got past that phase of "what the hell were we thinking" but I haven't completely gone beyond my anxiety about how this one singular event will change our family forever. Right now I am loving our Meg, even when she is whining and not cooperating. She is spectacularly cool right now and the way that she nurtures me is heart-swelling. I just worry about what direction things will turn in when our family grows by one. What I hadn't considered was something that Dave pointed out to me. Meg is who she is today because of this change in our lives. We have no idea who she would be if she wasn't growing into the role of big sister. She has become nurturing to me as a result of my needing it. She has matured in the last 8 months as a result of our circumstances. I am falling more deeply in love with her because we are both feeling the need to securely tether those heartstrings before we know their strength could be tested.

Isn't my husband a genius?