...food, glorious food.

Why when we holiday does it seem to completely revolve around food?  From the minute I step foot in the departure lounge I am thinking about food. Why didn't I pack food?  When will they feed me on the plane?  Will it be icky? Should I have ordered the vegetarian meal? I often get one last overpriced beverage or snack before boarding. Not being in control of my food intake on an 8 hour flight drives me a bit mental. I eat when I'm not hungry just cause I don't know when my next meal will be and no matter how bad it is I like to eat it all cause it's included in the price of my flight and not much else is these days. On a transatlantic flight the meal times are all out of whack and your body gets a bit messed up (not to mention that i try to avoid using the loo)... And this all before I have landed in my holiday destination.

Straight out of the arrivals gate I am scanning for my next fix. Coffee? A sandwich? A foreign snack from the news agent?  Once on the road my eyes are on the lookout for bakeries, grocery stores and roadside chippers. We don't make it too far down the road before we stop at a grocery store and buy the most random array of edible delights. Cheese, crisps, yogurt, a packet of Angel Delight and a jar of Branston Pickle. None of which fills the void of our immediate food needs.  

Perhaps it's about living the experience to the fullest. We have to eat anyway so why not make that part of the adventure? Indulge in things we can't get at home and try things we never otherwise would eat. Or maybe it's as simple as harbouring a lifelong obsession with food.  Yep. I think that's it. I love food. And I hate my relationship with it. But when I am on holiday the gloves are off and it feels less.....guilt laden. 

And now that we travel with wee ones the food factor only multiplies. We strive to find balance in feeding Meg while she watches us shamelessly out of balance ourselves. Is it really ok that she has eaten crisps as an appetizer to most meals this week?  Including breakfast?  And might I add that breakfast is a bowl of Frosties or a plate of maple pancakes? If I hear "I'm hungry" or "I'm thirsty" one more time today I might just go batty. We have tried, without success to teach Meg that travel and urgency do not go well together. Eat and pee when you have the chance not when you HAVE to. *sigh* This is only the end of the first week. 

And the only person almost completely unaffected by the food frenzy is Lola. And although she appears unscathed by it, her food situation adds yet another layer to my stress. Still not eating. I have let a lot of things go in my journey to feed Lola. I started out with all the highest standards of food selection. Organic, homemade, fresh, raw, whole fruit.  Soon the cooking and pureeing began. Then the homemade rule was abolished. Next to fall was organic. And now??? It doesn't have to be fruit, vegetable or any combination of. I don't care if she shoves a macaroni pie in her mouth. I've offered her yogurt, ice cream, fish, pickles, oatmeal...I think she even had a chip (french fry) in her hand here one day, but nothing makes it past her lips.  

So the battle continues. Today was all about food again. We ate a weird array of breakfast foods at the cottage, a strange assortment of snacks, a late lunch at a terrible restaurant in Inverness (I kept expecting Gordon Ramsay to walk through the door or find out I was on candid camera), then we spent the good part of an hour like kids in a candy store at Marks & Spencers (I wish I could upload the photos), we followed this with another meal out to try and make up for the earlier disaster....and now we are eating crisps and drinking cider, beer and stout. And tomorrow we will do it all again. 

Eat, drink and be merry...I guess. But mostly eat!      

...two moms and five kids.

A couple of weeks ago I came home from a whirlwind trip to Manitoba and Ontario. We were going to a cousins wedding in Ontario's cottage country and so I decided that I would pack up the girls and spend a few days in Manitoba on the way there. I was looking for a chance to nourish my spirit a little. And the best way to do that is to run to the arms of someone I know will feed my soul.

The days leading up to my trip were filled with stress as I rushed around trying to get everything done that I needed to before I would be gone from, home, work and school for over a week. I finished packing just an hour before leaving for the airport and only let my shoulders come down from beside my ears as I sat down in the boarding lounge. Whatever I had not remembered or got done before I left was out of my hands now... My girls were dreamy! Meg carried her own bag, helped me with mine and just chilled with some markers and a journal on the flight. Lola nursed on takeoff and landing, hardly fussing at all. We were greeted at the airport in Winnipeg by one of the most amazing women I know. She had Lola in the sling and Meg by the hand within moments and I felt completely at home. It was late and when we finally got to her house we all just tumbled into her big bed for what would begin 6 nights of co-sleeping bliss.

In the morning I awoke to a little face peaking through the crack in the door. This dear, sweet 5 year old had been on pins and needles for a couple of hours while she waited to see any movement from our room. What a glorious way to wake up! And within the hour I had been warmly welcomed with love and hugs from the whole family. My Manitoba family. I have never felt more at home in someone else's home than this entire family made me feel. Little did all 5 of our combined children know that by feeling so at ease it would mean that for the next five days they would all have two moms! It was like a practice run for me, a glance into my future. You see, the youngest of this family is five but she has a fourteen year old brother and a fifteen year old sister. A larger age gap than my two but a similar dynamic. It was fascinating to see their relationships with each other and to see their own unique gifts, that when combined built the framework for a family that embraces life (and each other) in such a special way. I drank it in as I sat in their family room nursing my babe and being waited on by all of them. I watched them bicker, show off, open up and show up... To be honest the thought of teenagers had me scared shitless until I spent these five days with two of the most amazing young adults I could imagine. We had planned to do soo much while I was there. We always do. I think we imagine that when we are together we become super human. But in the end the time we value most is the time we share cuddled into bed together talking about our lives, our kids, our work and our dreams. Or the time we spend preparing food with a glass of wine or gin and tonic. We are wildly feminine as we pour our love into creating a feast for ourselves and our families. We often eat late because we are overly ambitious and so in the moment that we loose all track of time. And some of my favourite moments of my time with my Manitoba family were on the last night when a fifteen year old warrior woman in the making joined us while we laughed, and talked and baked cookies. Don't get me wrong... I am still afraid of my own life with teenagers but for now I have softened towards the idea.

I know how much I loved having a co-parent for those five days. I felt invincible actually. Like Supermama! I was bolstered by someone who's mothering I aspire to. We often joke when we are together that we understand the allure of communal living. Maybe we do become superhuman when we combine our gifts. What I don't know is how our five kids felt about having two moms.

Honourable mention goes out to those two husbands/fathers that indulge us in this soul nourishing love fest we yearn for every so often.